Do You Hear What I Hear?

Have you ever been introduced to someone and walked away without being able to remember the person’s name? Or been listening to a speech (supposedly) and realized you didn’t have a clue what the person was saying?

You’d think that, given all the practice students have in listening in school, they would become good listeners, but they don’t. Why is this? In order to develop good listening skills, we need a balance between speaking and listening, and listening involves more than getting knowledge to later regurgitate for a test. It involves making inferences, questioning, making judgments, and concentrating amidst distractions. Like most other abilities, it takes conscious practice of skills.

One of the things I observed as an English teacher was that we expected students to listen more than we expected them to speak, and when they did speak, we mostly expected them to speak to us. When I went through the process of getting my National Board Certification, I realized that students didn’t  usually have serious discussions about subject matter with one another—they always talked to me (“Mrs. Davies, is that right? Where did he get that idea? I didn’t think it meant that.”) Even when I would schedule so-called “class discussions,” I had to encourage them to talk to one another about their concerns, disagreements, and ideas. Otherwise, they would direct comments to me instead of other students. Therefore, although we expected them to listen to us, we may not have actually taught them to listen.

The Toastmasters program is a good example of requiring conscious practice of close listening. Most people think that Toastmasters is all about learning to speak in public, and it does help with that. But the program also emphasizes leadership skills, and that includes listening. Members are asked to perform specific listening tasks: evaluating specific skills of a speaker such as organization, vocal variety, body language; counting the number of “uhs” of all speakers; and looking for good/bad grammatical usage. At every meeting, members have a chance to practice specific skills in both speaking and listening. The meeting is divided into three parts. The first part allows a few members (two or three) to give short prepared speeches. These members are given both written and oral evaluations. The second part of the meeting is devoted to impromptu speaking, where members give a brief (1-2 minute) response to a question; and the third part of the meeting is an evaluation time. If you are interested in Toastmasters, check out the international website (https://www.toastmasters.org) or check our local Rome Toastmasters website (http://romegeorgia.toastmastersclubs.org).

So what have I learned about listening? I have learned that most people don’t listen well. A major reason for this is that we are constantly bombarded with noise from radios, television, the crowds, etc., etc. We can’t possibly keep up with it all, so we don’t even try. So how do we become better listeners?

First, we need to distinguish between those messages that we are expected to listen to and those that just provide background noise. I’m often amazed at the number of people (teachers, professional people, well-educated people) who will talk during someone’s speech! I am especially amazed that teachers, who spend so much time trying to get students to listen to them, will talk during a fellow educator’s presentation. I believe that any time another person is making a speech to a group of people, it is expected that I listen to that speech. I don’t need to make a decision about whether to listen. If I feel that I need to carry on a conversation with someone during that time, I should leave the room to do that. Another time I need to listen is when someone is speaking directly to me. I am having a conversation and the other person assumes that I will hear and respond to what is said. There are other times when I will have to take my cues from the people around me. If they seem to be trying to listen to a news broadcast, a movie, or something else on the television or radio, I should listen too (or at least be quiet). Of course, there are times when the noise is just background noise and no response is expected.

Second, it has helped me as a listener to listen for specific things when people are speaking. When I evaluate speeches, I have to listen for specific things, and I find that helpful. So now I find that just deciding to see exactly what points the speaker makes, how he/she introduces a speech, or what specific techniques are used helps me focus on the content of the speech. I think it is a way of forcing myself to listen more carefully. When I am in a conversation with someone, I also find it helpful to listen for specific things such as names, ages, or places the person mentions. I have often been introduced to someone and left, realizing I could not remember even the name of the person I had met! So I try to make myself listen for specifics so that I will at least remember some of what was said.

Third, I have found that writing down ideas or facts presented by a speaker helps me to remember what is said, even if I do not need to keep the notes. Often when I go to conferences or meetings where a speaker is giving information, even if I don’t plan to use the information, I will take along a small notebook and write down pertinent information. (It makes me look studious even if I don’t need it!) But seriously, I am much more likely to remember it if I take time to jot it down.

Listening seems to be a major challenge for all of us. I don’t consider myself to be a great listener, but it seems that very often I notice people asking a question that has just been answered or carrying on a conversation during someone’s speech. This blog post is as much an attempt to understand why this is and think about solutions as anything else. I hope it may help you to think about your own listening habits.